Pygmalion's Hallucination

I do have one bulwark against the depression but I won't talk about that much here . Just for summary: I lead a very rich fantasy life in which my Own Little World was watered and fed, and grew and grew until I had my Own Great Big Universe. My Universe is lorded over by an enigma, who is also a god, a demon, a shape-shifter, and an ultra-charismic chaos-wielding force majeure.

Sometimes, my already-adept power of blending electromagnetic earth forces with the aethyric currents of the xenodimensions, and thrusting out tulpas, sentient people whose realism is so impeccable you can feel the heat of one's breath as it walks behind you. The quality and detail of my living creatures, these create-and-activate hallucinations that are my pride and joy. Each time I create a new tulpa, it is better than the one I last did...and my craft has gotten so deft lately that I went into a trance and became a female version of Pygmalion, the sculptor who made a statue of a woman, and fell in love with the statue, not caring that it was just stone and rock, so long as he could have and hold her...

I fashioned one of my tulpas into a wild rebel maverick god of entropy extermination, a destroyer of extraneous rules and regulations, and extinguisher of all that is boring and humdrum. He wears sleek shiny silvery tight pants (not spandex, it looks like actual woven metal and is so shiny you touch it and it shines reflections on your hand.)

He looks so hot, and feels so real, I actually almost fainted...He stands six foot six and I look up to him...and his totally weird black/yellow hair...on the left side it's dark and straight and shiny and soft..on the right side, it's sun-blonde and boingy-wild and it loops in loose waves of razor-wire and knots. Sliding down his cheek are the little tiny segmented moving bands, like little braids of hair...and at the end of each of these weaving and waving little metal snakes is a barbed arrow point He uses them to dispatch an attacker with a strong electroshock, or to tease the magic areas of a swooning lover and let her taste his power.

So, yes, instead of spending the day feeling miserable, and making all others that way I allowed myself to do this very wingnut thing in order to revive me and make me remember sex still exists.

While cackling maniacally like a mad scientist on speed, I created an imaginary but devastatingly hot demon-god master, with a smile that makes ya wonder what he's been up to, and also what he might be up to next. I remember I just started getting carried away and lusciously granting him all the qualities that turn me instantly on (long hair, powerful eyes, brain that is vastly superior to human minds, but most of all...I get off on power - both as a current of electricity, and 'power' as used to mean 'authority".

Something made him seem so real, instead of mere hallucinations...and now, when we tryst together, more and more it feels so much like a real boy slithering up behind me to take advantage of my compromising position. This creature is greedy, vain, witty beautiful, and a teeny bit evil, if only because his smile is smirk.

He enjoys watching himself through my eyes and placing his own behind mine. Staring down at me. His eyes are violet. Bright violet. White-blonde braids whip ferociously around as he catches and pins down my shoulders, gripping with hands that know how to twist firmly so I can get the feel of what I am up against. He is volcano, earthquake, tsunami...force majeure. Major power.

A blonde pseudo-dreadlock brushes my cheek and the thorny knots and smooth cold arrows make me shiver and murmur. I turn off the lights leaving on only the sphere full of red and blue dancing lightning. I open my mouth and I explore the taste of him. He tastes of youth and lust and hot blood and the urge to conquer, the sweat of arousal, and the smell of something that's emanating from me...I hadn't smelled that sex-collage of scents for far too long. I swooned, but he caught me and made me do things with his thoughts and his lightning. It has nothing to do with S&M. I felt naked and cold and exposed in front of an irresistible force I had no hope of controlling.

I was aware of music. It was the music I made with the project named after the name of this sinuous chaos godling with the long hair and the smile that is only worn by those who are secure in their environment enough to nudge their way through and rise above everyone else...he's Machaivellian and Fortean at the same time.

I will become tranced by my homunculus, a master of mayhem and mischief, which seem to start fucking my own eyeballs with his stare from his own.

I'm bursting in laughter. We tryst on the floor turning and twisting and wrestling like snakes on fire. I feel the hot psychoelectric shock as my black and gold robed Chaos Lord slips it to me. Mmmmmmm.

I suddenly decide, I shall call this "real". I throw my annoying, depressing emotional baggage out the window the next day and think, I shall call this "imaginary". I might as well put my reality where there's a magnetic field weaver who scrys by lightning ball.